Another year of happy ever afters

Looking back, it is easier now

Once we gather with friends and heads bowed

To drift away and remember

All the gifts bestowed upon us

All the tidings surrendered

another year has breathed it's last

A Thursday to remember all that has past

Bitter and sweet, the passing years

All the joys sprinkled with tears

Of all the dreams I chased after

I cherish the sprinklings

For they give meaning to the laughter

When grace is softly spoken, 

I look up

I look around

I am thankful for all I have

Their smiles, their laughter

Yes, I am thankful for all I have

Another year of happy ever afters

I wanna smile.

I love the classics, the classic movies that only air during the cold months of my years. Those grainy black and white movies that require a extra large glass of sweet tea, box of kleenex and a good hiding place for the remote control. And just why do I love these movies ? Ah, that is a questions that requires a simple answer my friend. It isn't the movies, it isn't the actress nor the leading man. No, it is the memories.

All my years I have tucked away millions of moments that are special to only me. My childhood is reborn with each viewing of the Grinch that stole Christmas. ( Yes, he stole Christmas not the Holidays!) It's a wonderful life is my one way ticket to the days of my innocence, before I learned of the hurtful realities of life. A vacation from the harshness of half-hearted smiles and half truths. For that brief moment in time . . .  All the world lives up to the advertised promises of there being good in all people.

You have a favorite movie. song or place in your heart. A trigger that propels you to a time and place where all the good in others become visible and time waits while you wander around. A place that allows you to forget and forgive for just a little while. One that makes you wanna smile.

I close mine eyes and begin to see . . . . . all the favors that have been bestowed upon me.

Yes, I love this time of year. There is a change in the weather and a change in my soul.

I wanna smile.

Not just the Fool and I . . . .

J is for Jester, an old friend of mine. 

I used to love to watch his eyes sparkle as he told the most wondrous of tall tales and short lies. Through his eyes the world was a very amusing place to be. At times though, I could see the traces of tears in his smiling facade. But he always smiled and just laughed off the pain. But I could see traces of the tears every now and then. My good friend even wrote a book about a great personal crusade to find and capture the "Holy grail of human emotions . . . . Unconditional Love" Yes, Jester was quite the fool, a perfect fool I might add. 

J is for Jester, my friend

I do miss him, for he always saw the good in people and believed that they held a purpose in this world even after they began to talk. He seldom heard their words but closely watched their deeds. He once said to me that a person is whom they are and never what they say there are. I agree with him on that, it is what people do not what they say that defines their character, don't you agree? See even a fool can be very wise. Here let me share with you a little Ditty I wrote about his first visit in many many years . . . .



"Yes, I had another visitor this weekend. We are old friends but I haven't seen him in long, long time. We used to be real close but time and life had separated us. I was glad he stopped by because he always has the most wonderful of tales to tell. I was not disappointed. He started out in his usual way.

Once upon a time  . . . .

So the tale began, He took a deep breath and started. Once there was a kingdom with a lovely queen who had the most wondrous daughter. The queen, he stated was a friend of his. He recalled fond memories of all the wonderful times he had spent with the queen. I questioned my friend about the daughter. Wouldn't she be a Princess? A lovely Princess? He told me not to jump ahead and that he was getting to that part. I decided to shut up and just listen. The lovely Princess was very young at this time, around sixteen he thought. He went on and on about the lovely Princess until I couldn't take it anymore and I shouted, “I get it, you were infatuated with the lovely Princess now finish your story.” Silly fool. And so, he continued. He was infatuated with the young lovely Princess but alas she was too young to fall in love and he was too young to know. I interrupted my friend declaring “That last line sounds like something from an old Sam Cooke song”. The fool replied that I should listen when others were speaking. I agreed and on he went. Silly fool. Well, my friend left the kingdom and joined the French foreign legion so he could try to forget about the lovely Princess and get on with his life. I asked if that part was factual. He replied kind-of-sorta. After many years Jester, that's my friends name and occupation, returned to the kingdom only to find that the young lovely Princess had blossomed into a lovely Lady. “Blossomed?” I questioned. Yes was all he said. Silly fool. I know he could come up with a better predicate than that. But anyway, He said that the lovely Princess had married a prince from across the great sea. He paused. Smiling, he just stared at me. I took the hint and said" Okay what sea was it". Why the sea of frogs, of course he said with a silly grin. I just laughed. The prince and his lovely Princess were very happy and they had four lovely children together. But then, my friends face lost all expression and he spoke of dark clouds gathering on the horizon. I leaned forward in my chair as he continued. He told me that the prince had made poor choices in his life and had broken the lovely Princess's heart. I exclaimed "Say it is not so, my dear friend". But with a cheerless face he affirmed that, yes it was true. The Lovely Princess and her Prince of Frogs would never, ever find their own happily ever after.


I told my friend that this was a wonderful tale but what is the point? I'm getting there he mused. I said "Well hurry up". Anyway, my friend had never forgotten the lovely Princess and kept her memory in his pocket, close to his heart. He said he had spoken with her over the years and once he even got to see her. What happened? I asked. “What do you mean?” my friend replied with a look of confusion. What happened with you and the lovely Princess? He said that he was married and she was now living in the kingdom with the children and the grand chariot. So . . . nothing happened, he firmly insisted. I am confused I told him. He continued. I telephoned her on Tuesday expecting the lovely Princess to be as gracious as before and talk with me. My friend’s eyes glazed over and fell silent. I reached over and tapped on his head "Hello", no reply. After a few moments he awoke from his trance and continued. Silly fool. His eyes cleared and a sly smile came across his face. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and said “The lovely Princess had not forgotten the jester, even after thirty-five years". Oh, here we go with the thirty-five year thing, again, I said under my breath. I had heard this line before. Silly Fool. Jester was ecstatic just hearing her voice and he lost it, BIG TIME. To hear the lovely Princess say, with enthusiasm that she had been thinking of him. That was it, the fool rolled over the hill of reason and right off the edge of reality and out of sight. After the first call he said things got worse. All he could think of was the lovely Princess. He even poured out his heart in a letter and to his amazement, she didn't run away and not one of the authorities was notified. Man was he excited telling me this. Twice, I had to physically set him back down in his chair so he could finish. But, alas what goes up must come down. "Enter Little Miss Reality" he said with great disdain. I had to apologize to the lovely Princess and hope she would understand. I was out of touch with reality. And what did she say, I pressed. She still liked the fool but they should be respectful of each other’s feelings and situations. The fool said he agreed. Wow, is all I said. I quickly added, You mean to tell me that you and the lovely Princess are still okay?
Yes, is all he said. I asked if he had regretted making that call due to all the emotional ups and downs he went through. Before he could answer I noticed the trace of a single tear that had slowly drifted down his face. I guess I knew the sad truth. I questioned him about the single tear. Softly, I asked him, “I guess you are upset that you dialed her number?”. He said I was mistaken. Huh? What? He said the single tear was for me. He had no regrets. He wouldn't have it any other way. I begged him to explain about the single tear for me. Jester smiled and said that there were only two people in the entire world who experienced the joy of finding each other after all that time and still had the respect for each other’s feelings as they do. He kept on about this for hours and hours. I remember the one line about only two persons in seven billion people on this planet could say they were there. So, I added, two in the universe my friend, only two people in this ever-expanding universe. Hummmm . . . . . . . A universe of two. Sounds like a pretty good thing to me.

And as I walked away, smiling, I thought to myself sometimes there is wisdom in the words of a fool. Yes, sometimes even a silly fool can be very, very wise. "

But, there are the traces of tears on all our faces. 

Not just the Fool and I.

The One

There is someone for all of us, The one who would love us for the simplest reason of all . . . it was meant to be.

"There was once a Lovely Lady who only existed, for her life had ended and she simply existed in a cave of sorrow. The cave was without light, hope and barren of the love she once held so close. She lived, maybe I should say existed for the Lovely Lady was not living, as we all know it, alone there except for her memories and the misplaced guilt of a deed she never committed. Alone and afraid she simply drifted through the days as time passes for one who waits, painfully and slowly. Why is she here and why does she stay? I asked myself that very question and then pondered the possibilities. All my reasons were wrong. The Lovely Lady had given all that was womanly possible of one soul to give to another. He was the one, the one who would love her for a lifetime or maybe two lifetimes. That love was the one, the one love that would be endless and timeless. This time love would transcend the bonds of human mortality and echo through the ages for a second lifetime after they had left this mortal world. This love would shine through the ages mirroring the eternal light of the stars above.  Never again would she have to think twice about the subtle differences between her lover and herself, for he was the one. They were one, two souls who lived and loved through the one love of a lifetime. Two beings transfixed and transformed by the flames of passion and forged into single shinning soul. He knew what to say and what to do, for he was the one. Her one, and for her there would never be another. He will always be the one love of a lifetime.

Forever Love, that was the title spoken in the Lovely Lady’s mind to describe this love. She never had to speak the words “Forever Love” for they were her companions, eternally. Not just simple letters etched upon a page or spoken in time but an endless mural of the life that would be. This time it was forever, for he is the one love of a lifetime. No matter what may come, together they would find a way through the darkened forest of worldly tribulations. No matter what words were spoken or if her heart was broken, somehow they would find their way through the darkness and into the light of a never-ending love of their lifetime. This time she would make it right; do all she had to make it right, for he was the one. She would give all she possessed in the world and within her soul for he was hers forever. He would always be there for her as she promised herself to be there for him, hopefully.

The pain would pass but not the hurt from the realization that her “One love of a lifetime” was not mirrored in the world as he was etched into her memory. She did love him so very much. Why wouldn’t she, for wasn’t he the one?

You and I know that you can never say Good-Bye to the Love of a lifetime, never. They seem to always return at the oddest of moments just to remind you of what used to be. Caring for another to that degree of hopelessness is always trouble. We give to them all we hold within our souls only to be short changed in the receiving end of love and dedication in return. But as Rod Stewart sang in his hit song Maggie May “You stole my heart, I couldn’t leave you if I tried” and we never will. Their memory will always be there. Sometimes I can’t tell if the memory is being truthful towards me, maybe I just created their memory from all the treasured traits and what I prayed they would be. The saddest part of this whole mess is that we possess the memory and not the person as it was written in the lines of our perfect life with our one love of a lifetime. Maybe, their memory possesses us. Maybe, we knew that to be true but we just can’t confess to our soul that we had been a fool for love, once again.

Oh my, my my . . . . . . . Where did we loose our way? Once lost in the darkness, a soul must believe in someone if they want to find the light again. Searching our personal history from yesterday we look for the one who cared for us or maybe the one we cared so much for. The one who loved us without conditions or limits. That memory is simply that, a memory of what used to be. We believe as the Lovely Lady did that they will love us like they once did, with all their heart and soul. But, that thought too is just another carefully constructed memory. A memory created in the right side of our brain, in the area known as wishful thinking. Careful who you choose to lead you from the darkness. Careful who you give your trust and your heart to. Those memories in the past have aged here in the real world even if you believe them to be as they were once upon a time. What was can simply not be again, you just can’t go back. But in our minds we never left, we just put that love of a lifetime on hold until we could continue our lives, with them at our side. That love only lives in our mind never here in the day-to-day world just in our memories. No, you just can’t relive what really never happened.

Some souls are doomed to wander the darkness for all their lives; they are here to lead you astray. They promise the gift of knowing the way home only to lead you into the light and then back into the darkness, once again. These souls are doomed to spend all eternity in damnation and could care less. They are here for the game, not for the prize. They play the part so well because they have forgotten whom they are and have evolved onto the very false-faced fool they pretend not to be. Ah, their lines have been rehearsed so well and they deliver the spoken phrases with perfection. You and I know that perfection takes practice, a lot of practice. Could it be they have been practicing their delivery of false promises to others? No, for they are the one, the one who will lead you home, so they say.

I, like you have lived in the darkness of my soul for many years. I found no one to lead me into the light, I just stumbled through the night and spent my days looking for a savior. Anyone who would take my hand and listen to my cry. I too wanted to go home. I called into the darkness for someone to please answer my cry. The answer was always as before, silence. That thunderous silence that never wavered, simply echoed in my mind. No one answered and one day I just stopped asking. I tried to go back and just made a fool of myself, once again.

The Lovely Lady listened to the promises. She believed the words then and tomorrow she would grieve for them once again. We don’t hate them, the false faced fools who made fools of us. We accept our portion of the blame and we let the guilty wander away. The Lady knows all too well, they were to blame. They were the one who played the game and broke the rules. The Lovely Lady pardons that one love of lifetime and he scurries away with her heart tucked quietly under his coat. Pity, I say to myself, she should have seen what was to come. Life without parole in the cave of despair. She refuses to admit it but she knows in her heart that she sentenced herself for a crime she never committed.

Simply existing in the Darkness

I chanced upon her there, in that dark place. She tried to not to show it but the tears were written all down her face. I came not to save her. For we all know that we can only save ourselves. She holds the sword to slay her personal dragon, not I. I hoped to love the Lovely Lady, nothing more and surely never anything less. I offered her a shoulder to cry on and my ear to bend. I knew that she would enjoy the light, once she basked in the warmth of friendly smile and the melting powers of a gentle touch. I knew she was the one. I knew when first I saw her that she was The One. The Lovely Lady is trying to adjust to the light. There are strange customs here in this illuminated land. She is unfamiliar with the phrases here too. Ones like “unconditional” and “undying love”.  The Lovely Lady is trying hard to adjust. She sometimes filters my words through memories of what used to be. Giving old hurtful meanings to common phrases such as,  “I love you” and “I promise”. In time she will learn the true definition of those phrases through deeds not false words. To tell the truth, The Lovely Lady is more beautiful in the light than she ever was in the dark past of yesterdays. And, yes I love her, unconditionally, forever, Amen."

A little bit of "The pinnacle of Passion" by yours truly

Spanky knows, she knows what time it is.

I have a dear friend who goes by the name "Spanky". And yes she is the physical definition of that self proclaimed title. But then there are times when she is not so spanky-ish.

As the sun peacefully settles in for the night, Spanky never does.


Softly closing her eyes, hands clasped tightly with fingers intertwined Spanky prays once again for his promise of forever. As she lies under the covers she holds so close, her prayer ends with "Please Lord" and then she prays anew. The clock on the wall reflects the passing of time in her world but not in her heart, minutes feel like days. Spanky finds herself dreaming, wandering lost in dark sea of trees aptly named, yesterday. Lost in that forest of loneliness, praying for him to guide her home. A home that he promised her over and over again, in her bed. She asks herself why, why doesn't he love her in the light of day. She feels so used but in his arms . . . . it feels so right. In his arms she rejoices in the love in his eyes and the warmth of his gentle touch. It feels so right, just like in her dreams of a perfect life but, he never stays. No matter how much she asks, begs or needs him.

As the clock crashes to the floor, she hides her tears in the covers. At that moment she knows, what time it is. Spanky doesn't need a clock to tell her. Time to . . . .


Time to ask that lady in the mirror what are we doing? Where will this road lead us? How long can we bear this pain? But, what if ..... this is as good as it gets?

Spanky knows, she knows what time it is.

Ever felt that way my friend? I believe we have all been in Spanky's high heeled shoes. In love with someone who only lives in our mind. They don't live in the light of day only in the darkness of our mind.

Time to turn on the lights. In the truths revealing light we begin to see, see our world as is truly is.

"We don't have to live this way"

Stay, recorded by Sugarland

No, we don't have to live this way.

Jennifer Nettles

Inspired by the song Stay, written by Jennifer Nettles, recorded by Sugarland