Intuition be a Lady tonight!

The road ahead was long and daunting. One could not see the end nor the beginning. I had imagined being there, at the conclusion of my journey, long before this time in my life. The rising and stout hills ahead of me lay in conflict to the soft rolling hills in my mind. This road was more a goat trail, a barely visible dusty and narrow path through the tall swishing, brown and green grass. I thought that maybe I was lost or had erred in the reading of my moral compass. This road was uninviting on its best of days.  Together. we had chosen this pathway to an uncertain and undefined conclusion, it was intuition that pointed the way. I should have slapped her silly, I spoke to myself. For I wanted the well-worn path that had been blazed by others. Let those other fools make the all the missteps and mistakes. We could have just breezed along that nice trodden down pathway. Oh no, she always has a better idea, a better way or maybe just a "feeling" about this or that. She is clever, much more than I give her credit for, Intuition that is. I am always blaming her for my misguided travels through this place, this wonderful place we call life. But then, I would have never possessed such a unique story to tell or a boisterous lie to swear over and about. I kinda like having her around. 

Intuition: The sum of one's knowledge and life events wrapped into a single, unspoken mental nudge. It is your imaginative right half of your brain casting their vote in the matter at hand. 

Logic: The sum of factual and accepted knowledge. Nothing else, just the facts presented in a cautious and timely manner.

I always bet on the Lady, Intuition, always.

The two wise men of backwoods county, USA

    

    There, there's that same huge oak tree, again. Driving down unfamiliar back roads searching for an unfamiliar destination, I am lost. Twenty minutes later I spy a small patch of civilization in the shape of a twentieth-century general store.  I park next to the old weathered wood sided building. I feel the weathered faces staring down upon me as I search for the scrap of paper with the address I am headed to. The two old men sitting in older wooden chairs don't smile, don't speak just stare. I put on a smile and say "Morning" No reply, just a nod and more intense staring. I explain that I am lost and ask for a little local help. The gentleman on my left, wipes his brow with his red and white printed bandana and speaks. "You can't get there from here" the gentleman on my right, dressed in faded denim overalls nods in agreement. As I try to make sense of his reply, I notice one of them is shaking their head up and down and the other is shaking his left to right. "Excuse me" The elderly farmer restates his answer. " I said, you can't get there from here. You gots to start from somewheres else." His companion still nodding his head up and down in agreement. I am lost for words but before I can ask for clarification they both crack up laughing.

Funny but true story.

Years later, those words echoed in my mind as I pondered my life's meaning and where I had been and where I was headed. "You can't get there from here" I spoke out loud. No, I just can't get to where I want to be from where I am. I spent forty years trying to be what everyone wanted me to be.

All I ever wanted to be was happy.

Sometimes you just have to start from somewhere else to get where you want to be.

Some thoughts never leave

Some days I am free, without the thought that haunts my soul. Other days and nights I just listen. Quietly, listen to the haunting words . . . .

"I hope that I, before growing past my knowing years

Can cure this blindness of my soul

Can close mine eyes and begin to see

The dawning of the man

The man my conscious, my soul and 

my God would have me be"

The drought has ended

It has been a long time since I had a thought worth sharing. Maybe you too have droughts of inspiration, just maybe. Not today.

    Looking back, I see a soul who resembles the face in my mirror. A younger more vivacious me, wild child. Long haired, gonna change the world boy who lives, now in the confines of my heart. That silly fool was going to change everybody's mind    but . . . he , instead, changed his. I see him trying to be like his father. A soldier, a restaurant owner and a Dad. Through the mist of blurred memories I see him trying to be like his spouse, farmer, fence mender, husband and a Dad. I say out loud to no one, should have stopped at Dad. All that time trying to be some one for somebody. I wonder what ever became of that long haired boy with the big ideas and dreams of changing the world. I thought that maybe if he had only pursued his dreams of changing the world, maybe just maybe the world would have been a better place. At least for him. I found myself shaking my head in agreement with myself and began to laugh. Yes, his world would have been a different place, not better just different. 

    But that was just a moment in reflection, a small space in time. Here in the real world, that long haired boy got a haircut. He got a job, several different ones and he became a Dad. Maybe , just maybe that was his purpose in this world. Maybe, just maybe the children of that long I mean short haired boy will change the world. Heaven knows it sure changed his.

    Never believe what you see, nor listen to those who say you can't change the world.

Maybe, just maybe you already have.

Broken wing, come on home

About a year ago I got a call from out west of the mississippi river, Colorado. Only persons I know there is my daughter and her family. The call went something like this . . . "Dad, Josh has been hurt and they flew him out of the grand canyon in a helicopter" then "I am packing up Wyatt and we are going to Arizona". It was worse than it sounded. Unbelievable, unfathomable and it cut straight to my soul. Paralyzed from the chest down, Josh had to take two helicopters from the canyon to reach the the nearest trauma center. C-5 was shattered beyond repair and it was pressing against his spinal cord. A few days and surgeries later, we have an update. No change. No change in Josh's body or in my daughter's belief that he will be fine. I remember my daughter saying that the doctors kept using the term paraplegic. That word was unacceptable and she told them all not to use it, ever.

Today, Josh, little Wyatt and Danielle live in a hotel room close to the hospital and rehab center. No change. No change in Josh's body or in my daughter's belief that he will be fine. Their day goes something like this. Midnight, turn Josh (six foot two and 200 pounds) so he doesn't develop bed sores, again. Repeat every two hours. Don't wake up Wyatt. Morning, spend three hours doing all the daily procedures. Ensure the twenty seven medications are taken on time and in the correct amount. Don't wake up Wyatt.  Train, oversee and watch closely the latest home care aide. Say a prayer that she won't drop Josh to the floor like that other one did. He is still in physical therapy from that incident. Cross your fingers and wish with all your heart that you won't have to call 911, again. Repeat every night, every day.

How can someone, anyone do this day in and day out? They take naps in the car while waiting for Josh to return from therapy or the hospital. No family within three thousand miles. They take it hour by hour never day by day. On a bad day it goes minute by minute and on a real bad day breath by breath. I couldn't physically do it.

But then ...

It is a very wise person that knows what is important and what is not. They are together and that is what matters most. I just pray that one day they will be together here, with the rest of their family.

Come on home, you can mend that broken wing right here.

The me you never knew

The Rabbit in the Moon

Someday, One day soon

I will leave this place, my home

Fly away to the Moon

As I watch the world fall from under my feet

I am free, I am flying, and I am gone

Flying higher, farther away from my home

One day, someday, I will be home

That day, one day soon

You will look up and see

The me you never knew, smiling back at you

The Rabbit in the Moon

Something to think about.

According to some folks, I have lost my mind. Well, that may be true but there is a good reason for their concern. I am still functioning as well as anybody else on the planet but I see the world in a different, sometimes very different light. I gave up the things that kept me sane. Things like hesitation, hate, envy and all the other self indulgent qualities that make us "Human". 

It wasn't hard or difficult to loose my mind, no not at all. The trip to madness was quite short. All I did was realize that time is not the enemy, I was. Today time is just a passing moment that I enjoy without ever attaching myself or a meaning to that moment. Kinda of like watching a leaf float down a creek. You watch it float by and you think, yes we do . We ponder where that leaf is headed and from where it sprang. What holds the leaf from sinking and how. Once the leaf passes from view, we refocus. But for those few fleeting moments, you were focused and all the world was absent from your consciousness. You lost your mind, for a moment or two.

You don't have to be crazy to enjoy the moment, but if you savor every moment people may call you crazy.

I kinda like being the only insane person in a crowd of normal people. They all give me something to think about.

Yes, that was a good day.

Somewhere, there is an old pair of boots.

I remember the day I got them. I was so proud of those old boots. I spit shined them until I could shave in their reflection. I needed those boots for my first jump out of a perfectly good aircraft, knowing it was going to land all along. Yes, I needed those boots. Even though those boots were older than I was, I loved those old boots.

Zero dark thirty just outside Columbia, Georgia and my boots are shining in the moonlight. We board the C-123 aircraft. I was thinking that this plane is older than me too. It was only a ten minute flight to the drop zone in Alabama, no time to rethink this paratrooper thing. Stand up, hook up, check equipment and stand in the door. The sun is rising and the sky is grey. We wait for the light to turn from red to green. The next moment the light changes and all you hear is "Go, Go, Go". As the wind slaps my face I look overhead to ensure my chute opened up. Next I look down to make sure my shiny boots are still on my feet. I pull on the left riser trying to turn my chute into the wind. 22 seconds later my old boots are covered with Alabama red clay. Damn, I am pissed.

Later that day I clean my boots and shine them back up. All in all it was a good day. I got my jump wings and my Dad's boots got to fly.

Yes, that was a good day.

Another day ...... Another new me

Some mornings are better than others, know what I mean? This morning I looked in the mirror and staring back at me was a familiar face, but it wasn't me. Just someone I used to know. An old acquaintance from my younger years. His eyes were a little older than I remembered and his hair was styled shorter and more conservatively.

Smiling, I turn away from the reflection and wonder. "Where did he go and what is he doing these days?"

The old me in the mirror is just that, someone I used to be. Someone I used to know.

Today, I am older, wiser and better looking too! At least, that's what I say to the person in the mirror.

The artist within

Within each of us is a palette adorned with all the hues of a rainbow. The goal is to let those colors shine through. I always wondered where those crazy tied dyed shirts came from. Looking at the sheep above, now I know.

"No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist."

Oscar Wilde

No person sees the world as it is, we see it through the eyes of our personal learnings, life experiences and of course our memories. I doubt that you and I could agree on the exact color of blue. We all see the world a little differently. 

Plaid wool scarves come from . . . . . well, you know the answer to that.

Some of us are just too special for words. But they all give us something to think about.

Self expression, no matter the venue, is a God given right not a gift. Or maybe it is?

Defining Ones own dreams

Are you ready?

I will recant the dream and you try to figure it out.


Alligator, a single, tiny baby alligator is biting at your toes. You just kick your feet in the water of the small pond and think "What a pain". You just shrug it off. But, there are several small children running away from the pond, screaming about the alligator. Across the lake is your ex keeps shouting "I'm sorry".


What do you think?

Now let me tell you about the person who had that dream. The lady has a small puppy with very sharp teeth. Her daughter came to visit with her two baby girls. The girls don't have a dog and are quite afraid of the puppy. The "ex" thing? The lady received a call from her ex about something that happened a long long time ago.

Funny, how our brain looks at the world from two completely opposite points of view. One logical and one creatively. Dreams are always painted in metaphors of our own design. The same object, thought or circumstance in someone else's dream holds a completely different meaning to them. Their mental dictionary has definitions written exclusively for them as does ours.

Now, about your dreams . . . . . 

How to define a break-up

Yes, it's hard to put your emotions into words when the love of your life has just sucker punched your heart. So allow me to help!

Wanton Domestic Seperationism; An awaking and cognizant act of admitting to one’s self, that you may be the only sane person in this relationship. Followed by late night secretive scheming and detailed planning of your escape back to the realm of Reality, Nil Desperandum! (Page 238)

Compatatational suicide; Knowing that you are consciously driving your lover crazy. A willingness to do something that will impale a grave wedge into the very heart of your closeness. Taking one for granted for far too long, followed by an unconscious willingness not to care. (Page 46)

Marital Blisslessness; The absence of marital bliss. That lonely feeling experienced while sleeping next to the love of a lifetime and feeling utterly alone, once again. Usually followed by claiming squatter’s rights to both the remote and the living room couch, all night, every night, forever. Amen. (Page 153)

Extreme Companionshiplessnessism; when the term “together” does not include your significant other. It does include the kids and some family pets. The act of being companionless, even when you hold your life’s partner close to you. Followed very closely by a nervous trip to the local divorce attorney. (Page 71)

Rut-a-tation factor; a rating of just how lonely you are standing next to your significant other. Rut-a-tation is a phenomenon that occurs in relationships sinking from the excess baggage of Taken-for-grantedism, competition, and the awkward realization that you do not really know your lover, anymore, at all. (Page 208)

There, now don't you feel better?

Center of the Universe . . . . No, it's not you

Do you have friends who only call you when something is wrong or they need you to do something for them? You love them dearly but they seem to be very busy when you need them! Kinda like a one way street.

I'm not sure why they do those things but I have a theory. Maybe, it’s just a big ole helping of “What about Me-ism”. If you are unfamiliar with the fore mentioned terminology. Allow me to explain. I keep a unique and very specialized dictionary next to my bed. I read once that the good Doctor of children’s stories possessed one, so I acquired one too! I’m not sure where or when I apprehended mine. My dictionary contains, alphabetically of course, all the words that never were but really should be. Kind of a long title, but Man is it handy. When I need a word that does not exist, I simply look it up. I have included the definition below for the words above from the dictionary I keep next to my bed.

What about Me-ism; An extremely crippling disease that occurs when you become the center of the known universe and you are continually upset about how others are unable or unwilling to verify this universally known fact to you, each and every day! Oh and everybody else’s problems are just that. Their problems, you need to talk about yours, now! (Page 257)

Bernard Baily hit the proverbial nail on the head with his comment about the center of the universe.

“When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.” 

~Bernard Bailey

I love those folks! I just hope that they are not too disappointed about that discovery thing.

A place in the world

There is a place in the world for each of us . . . . our lives, our time and our purpose was conceived long before we ever were. 

Who you are and what your purpose is has been in your heart all this time. What you dream of every night and all the thoughts you carry with you each day are your purpose. Like a tiny seed that longs to grow into a tall oak tree, your purpose waits inside your heart. Yes, everyone will offer you advice, guidance and theories on your purpose. They mean well but only you know why you are here. 

It takes faith to follow your dreams and courage to announce that you are going to be , well . . . . . you. 

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde

I tried to be all the people others wanted me to be. Now, I am just me.

"Once upon a time, I was standing lost and alone, in the dark woods of my life. I watched the snowflakes fall, softly towards the ground, only to melt away. . . . . just like the years of my life." 

Bert Anderson

But, that was a long time ago. Today, I stand in the light of a new day, hand in hand with my bestest, good friend. Because, dreams really do come true.

 I owe my bestest good friend a debt that I can never repay, for she has given me my “voice” and has guided me to where I was always supposed to be. Sitting on a yellow mushroom with red polka dots by a winding creek, under those magnificent tall, Oak Trees surrounded by soft, green grass . . . .  Telling tall tales and short lies to three tiny, epic, blue birds. I now know that my purpose is to tell stories all about how dreams come true. 

Once I was a paratrooper,a restaurant owner,a radio sales guy and a fool. Now I write and illustrate picture books for children all about "The Rabbit in the Moon". 

As "Pops" Armstrong sang . . .  "Yes, I say to myself. What a wonderful world"

The Passionate You , The whole story

The Passionate You and that other person

It seems impossible that two persons could occupy the same body, at the same moment in time, but I believe we do. This duality existence is as old as our species itself. Two people, one body. Hummm  . . . . . . . Well at least we shall never be alone.

“Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.”
                                                                                      Oscar Wilde

But seriously, one morning as I sat patiently waiting for the next salvo of words to be fired across the bow of my coffee cup, I braced myself. As she glared in my direction, I was hoping my silence would draw her words out. Two minutes and twenty four seconds later, success! My wife lectured me, again, stating that I was acting just like my father, again. I reminded her that I had spent 18 years living with the man and that the possibility of acquiring some of his traits and habits was not a possibility but a certainty. A sure bet. 100%. I wasn’t acting like my father I was imitating my father. I was reacting or maybe the proper term is repeating the stated actions I had witnessed my father act out. I refer to this phenomenon as “The Parental Rerun Show, sponsored by Memorex.” Like father, like son. It wasn’t me honey, my father made me say those things. Was it my Dad or just my personality?

And just what is my personality? Well, I am unsure just how to describe my personal personality. So, I looked it up at dictionary.com and discovered that my personality is a combination of what I know and how others perceive my actions. My personality is the sum others perception? So everyone perceives us as uniquely different? Hummmm . . . .

Do we have two personalities or one vastly complex personality? I believe that we are all two people in many ways. The primary belief being that we all hold a “passionate you” and “that other person”. Let me explain my thoughts here. The “passionate you” is the child who is always either 1) Chasing Pirates or 2) off on another great adventure of some sort and “that other person” is the frowning kid next door who, while shaking their head with arms folded tightly against their chest yells over the fence “when are you going to grow up?” One is being their true passionate self and the other is being behaved, as dictated by parental and societal influences of the current day. One is fueled by personal passion to capture those pesky pirates and the other is fueled by the desire to be just like, to talk just like and behave just like all the other grown up’s.   Pity.                                   

But wait there’s more; I believe that as one grows older, one’s point of focus changes not their “passionate you”. As I moved from chasing pirates to chasing young, curvaceous maidens my focus did truly change. I was still the same ole trouble I had always been, just refocused. Society and other outside influences mold and shape our viewpoints and narrow our definitions of all things and emotions. As I read the title “unabridged dictionary” I think “yeah, right!”. The unabridged dictionary contains definitions to words that have been voted on and accepted by the committee of our peers for the advancement of proper words for proper persons. How nice of them to explain to us what words are allowed and what definitions are allowed. Now we know, we didn’t even have to use our own three pounds of synapse-laden tissue hidden beneath our skull to figure it out! But not so quickly there my good friend, remember with knowledge comes responsibility. We must now remember to hang up our blinders on the bedpost before we go to sleep. Dreams do not require blinders. They only require our God given imagination. There are no rules or predefined words and thoughts in the land of dreamers. In my dreams I am still chasing pirates and an occasional young, curvaceous maiden. In my peaceful slumbers my personal unabridged dictionary is full of blank pages and I have the only pencil in the world. Oh, yeah Baby.

Dual personalities or dual persons? I believe that we have a complex personality that comes standard with a “personality switch”. In the up position we are sailing the Caribbean with a parrot named Moe on our shoulder, singing along with our first mate, Jimmy Buffet. With the switch in the down position we have adjusted well and our thoughts, words and actions mirror the acceptable norms of the day. If we never get caught with the switch in the wrong position at the right time then we have matured, grown up and possess a well-adjusted personality. Act right at all times and no one knows just how much you like to chase pirates and that occasional young, curvaceous maiden. I always and I do mean always get caught with my switch in the wrong position or maybe I am in the right position and everyone else, all of them shaking their heads and yelling over the fence at me, has their switch in the wrong position, hummmmm, hard to say.

In an article entitled “Dual Personalities” the author stated “Every human being has two personalities: an archaic, primitive, childlike, unadapted personality, and a modern, sophisticated, adult, and, to all appearances, adapted personality.” That definition or what I prefer to classify as an educated opinion, I believe to be true, kind of. This dual personality or dual persona has got me flustered. I believe that we can adapt, change and even evolve. But, do we really? If you think about singing all day long, aren’t you supposed to be a singer? Not an accountant. Why do we live our lives pretending to be what we are surely not? Why don’t we stop pretending and start living our true lives? How bad could it be? Okay maybe the BMW will have to go but does it make you happy, really? No, I didn’t think so. Sell the Bimmer and take singing lessons. You will be happier and your insurance will be half with a Toyota Camry. You know you will be happy and you will be doing it for the most perfect of reasons. Who cares if you don’t win American Idol? You win the game of life, my melodic friend. You will be living a dream, your personal dream. When you are happy, everyone else will adapt, change and yes, evolve with you. Tell me I am lying when I say, “When my wife is happy, I am happy”. Hummmm ? Okay, I am not married now, but I was married and I wanted my wife to be eternally happy so I could be happy. Simple, you don’t need a shrink you need a dream. Sometimes all we need is a little push to flip that switch and get on the road to Happyville, USA.

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

~Oscar Wilde

 

Consider this little tid-bit of advice from one of the most quoted and respected psychoanalyst of the twentieth century, “Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology (Freudian style).  He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar’s gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart through the world.  …. through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul.” 

Hummmmmmm . . . . .  I read that and heard a little voice in my personal psyche scream “Flip the switch!” Knowledge is a treasure but true understanding comes from passionately believing in yourself and others. Knowledge comes from the education we receive through studies; true understanding is acquired through the study of its application in real life. Carl Jung, the quoted author, also had some very interesting dreams. Carl recorded his dreams and visions in great detail and once wrote “A leathery brown dwarf would show up guarding the entrance to the unconscious. He was “the shadow,…”

Yes, Carl was very, very special. Well, my dreams don’t include such metaphors, just young, curvaceous maidens and a few pesky pirates. I wonder what Carl would think of that? Maybe, I don’t want to know. For you see I am passionate about my life, others in my life and I want all of us to have the option of flipping that switch without the whole of society condemning us as Unadjusted. I don’t want somebody to classify my personality or put me in a category such as “INFJ which equals Introvert 11%, Intuitive 62% Intuitive Feeling 25% and Judging 1%” or tell me that I should behave this way or that way. I just want to be me. I really don’t need a label to define who I am and how I perceive the world around me. The way I see it, we all are unique in our own right.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Genesis 1:27

God don’t make no junk! We all are unique and yes, it is our God given right to be ourselves. So there, Carl!

 “The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.” 

~Carl Jung

People always want to plaster a label on other people. Some folks insist on categorizing our behavior as acceptable or unacceptable. Others view it as either right or wrong. Perception of my behavior from another’s point of view does not confirm my intentions or my degree of adjustment to societal norms. It is simply their opinion of my actions based on their personal definition of those societal norms. I am not God and I try not to judge others.

I simply believe the passionate you is the giggly you, the one who is just dying to get out of that tight little crowded, dark corner of your soul and do what? Yes, that’s right, be happy. What time is it? Why it’s Party time! When you allow that little person to be happy, guess what? You change into a happy person and now we have a party. The passionate you becomes happy and soon all the folks you hang out with see you so gosh darn happy and they want to be that gosh darn happy too! Good going, genius! You have started something that will not be content as a solo ride. Happiness does truly make its own company. So, . . . . Lets Party!

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

                                                                                                                        Oscar Wilde

So what will it be? Do you want to tell your Grandkids about all the times that you wish you could have, or you would have this or that? I prefer to start my stories with, Let me tell you about the time I did this crazy thing . . . “Jimmy, Oscar, Carl and I were sailing off the southern Florida coast in hot pursuit of “one leg Betty McGirk” when a shot rang out and then… “

Why do people hold on to old memories and never make it to the present day? They just relive that day over and over. The worst part of this is that they want you to accompany them on that eternal memory cruise ship. Pity, I believe they have lost their dream and somehow are trapped in the past, looking for that life that got away. “If I only could have or if I only would have.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn’t go exactly like you planned, so what? Are you going to live the rest of your life wondering why? Excuse me! This is not a rehearsal my friend, this is a one shot deal. And while you are refocusing your one and only life, a dream in your heart couldn’t hurt. Leave the past in the past. You will never forget it but it doesn’t have to run or ruin the rest of your life.

“One’s real life is so often the life that one does not lead. “
                                                                                                       ~Oscar Wilde

Our lives are far too precious and valuable to be taken for granted. Our lives interact and intertwine with so many others that by living a mirrored existence would be a travesty to ourselves and all those lives we touch. I believe we should be ourselves. In using the words of Oscar Wilde and Carl Jung I hope to convey that they both could have lived very different lives. They chose to be themselves, one with their switch flipped down and the other with his in the up position, even though many persons in this world disagree with their perspective of the world. Their originality has influenced and changed the lives of all who read their works. That influence has lasted for over a hundred years. Shouldn't you and I strive to be remembered for being ourselves too?

Yes we should, glad you agree!

Now where did I put my eye patch?

Another year of happy ever afters

Looking back, it is easier now

Once we gather with friends and heads bowed

To drift away and remember

All the gifts bestowed upon us

All the tidings surrendered

another year has breathed it's last

A Thursday to remember all that has past

Bitter and sweet, the passing years

All the joys sprinkled with tears

Of all the dreams I chased after

I cherish the sprinklings

For they give meaning to the laughter

When grace is softly spoken, 

I look up

I look around

I am thankful for all I have

Their smiles, their laughter

Yes, I am thankful for all I have

Another year of happy ever afters

I wanna smile.

I love the classics, the classic movies that only air during the cold months of my years. Those grainy black and white movies that require a extra large glass of sweet tea, box of kleenex and a good hiding place for the remote control. And just why do I love these movies ? Ah, that is a questions that requires a simple answer my friend. It isn't the movies, it isn't the actress nor the leading man. No, it is the memories.

All my years I have tucked away millions of moments that are special to only me. My childhood is reborn with each viewing of the Grinch that stole Christmas. ( Yes, he stole Christmas not the Holidays!) It's a wonderful life is my one way ticket to the days of my innocence, before I learned of the hurtful realities of life. A vacation from the harshness of half-hearted smiles and half truths. For that brief moment in time . . .  All the world lives up to the advertised promises of there being good in all people.

You have a favorite movie. song or place in your heart. A trigger that propels you to a time and place where all the good in others become visible and time waits while you wander around. A place that allows you to forget and forgive for just a little while. One that makes you wanna smile.

I close mine eyes and begin to see . . . . . all the favors that have been bestowed upon me.

Yes, I love this time of year. There is a change in the weather and a change in my soul.

I wanna smile.

Not just the Fool and I . . . .

J is for Jester, an old friend of mine. 

I used to love to watch his eyes sparkle as he told the most wondrous of tall tales and short lies. Through his eyes the world was a very amusing place to be. At times though, I could see the traces of tears in his smiling facade. But he always smiled and just laughed off the pain. But I could see traces of the tears every now and then. My good friend even wrote a book about a great personal crusade to find and capture the "Holy grail of human emotions . . . . Unconditional Love" Yes, Jester was quite the fool, a perfect fool I might add. 

J is for Jester, my friend

I do miss him, for he always saw the good in people and believed that they held a purpose in this world even after they began to talk. He seldom heard their words but closely watched their deeds. He once said to me that a person is whom they are and never what they say there are. I agree with him on that, it is what people do not what they say that defines their character, don't you agree? See even a fool can be very wise. Here let me share with you a little Ditty I wrote about his first visit in many many years . . . .



"Yes, I had another visitor this weekend. We are old friends but I haven't seen him in long, long time. We used to be real close but time and life had separated us. I was glad he stopped by because he always has the most wonderful of tales to tell. I was not disappointed. He started out in his usual way.

Once upon a time  . . . .

So the tale began, He took a deep breath and started. Once there was a kingdom with a lovely queen who had the most wondrous daughter. The queen, he stated was a friend of his. He recalled fond memories of all the wonderful times he had spent with the queen. I questioned my friend about the daughter. Wouldn't she be a Princess? A lovely Princess? He told me not to jump ahead and that he was getting to that part. I decided to shut up and just listen. The lovely Princess was very young at this time, around sixteen he thought. He went on and on about the lovely Princess until I couldn't take it anymore and I shouted, “I get it, you were infatuated with the lovely Princess now finish your story.” Silly fool. And so, he continued. He was infatuated with the young lovely Princess but alas she was too young to fall in love and he was too young to know. I interrupted my friend declaring “That last line sounds like something from an old Sam Cooke song”. The fool replied that I should listen when others were speaking. I agreed and on he went. Silly fool. Well, my friend left the kingdom and joined the French foreign legion so he could try to forget about the lovely Princess and get on with his life. I asked if that part was factual. He replied kind-of-sorta. After many years Jester, that's my friends name and occupation, returned to the kingdom only to find that the young lovely Princess had blossomed into a lovely Lady. “Blossomed?” I questioned. Yes was all he said. Silly fool. I know he could come up with a better predicate than that. But anyway, He said that the lovely Princess had married a prince from across the great sea. He paused. Smiling, he just stared at me. I took the hint and said" Okay what sea was it". Why the sea of frogs, of course he said with a silly grin. I just laughed. The prince and his lovely Princess were very happy and they had four lovely children together. But then, my friends face lost all expression and he spoke of dark clouds gathering on the horizon. I leaned forward in my chair as he continued. He told me that the prince had made poor choices in his life and had broken the lovely Princess's heart. I exclaimed "Say it is not so, my dear friend". But with a cheerless face he affirmed that, yes it was true. The Lovely Princess and her Prince of Frogs would never, ever find their own happily ever after.


I told my friend that this was a wonderful tale but what is the point? I'm getting there he mused. I said "Well hurry up". Anyway, my friend had never forgotten the lovely Princess and kept her memory in his pocket, close to his heart. He said he had spoken with her over the years and once he even got to see her. What happened? I asked. “What do you mean?” my friend replied with a look of confusion. What happened with you and the lovely Princess? He said that he was married and she was now living in the kingdom with the children and the grand chariot. So . . . nothing happened, he firmly insisted. I am confused I told him. He continued. I telephoned her on Tuesday expecting the lovely Princess to be as gracious as before and talk with me. My friend’s eyes glazed over and fell silent. I reached over and tapped on his head "Hello", no reply. After a few moments he awoke from his trance and continued. Silly fool. His eyes cleared and a sly smile came across his face. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and said “The lovely Princess had not forgotten the jester, even after thirty-five years". Oh, here we go with the thirty-five year thing, again, I said under my breath. I had heard this line before. Silly Fool. Jester was ecstatic just hearing her voice and he lost it, BIG TIME. To hear the lovely Princess say, with enthusiasm that she had been thinking of him. That was it, the fool rolled over the hill of reason and right off the edge of reality and out of sight. After the first call he said things got worse. All he could think of was the lovely Princess. He even poured out his heart in a letter and to his amazement, she didn't run away and not one of the authorities was notified. Man was he excited telling me this. Twice, I had to physically set him back down in his chair so he could finish. But, alas what goes up must come down. "Enter Little Miss Reality" he said with great disdain. I had to apologize to the lovely Princess and hope she would understand. I was out of touch with reality. And what did she say, I pressed. She still liked the fool but they should be respectful of each other’s feelings and situations. The fool said he agreed. Wow, is all I said. I quickly added, You mean to tell me that you and the lovely Princess are still okay?
Yes, is all he said. I asked if he had regretted making that call due to all the emotional ups and downs he went through. Before he could answer I noticed the trace of a single tear that had slowly drifted down his face. I guess I knew the sad truth. I questioned him about the single tear. Softly, I asked him, “I guess you are upset that you dialed her number?”. He said I was mistaken. Huh? What? He said the single tear was for me. He had no regrets. He wouldn't have it any other way. I begged him to explain about the single tear for me. Jester smiled and said that there were only two people in the entire world who experienced the joy of finding each other after all that time and still had the respect for each other’s feelings as they do. He kept on about this for hours and hours. I remember the one line about only two persons in seven billion people on this planet could say they were there. So, I added, two in the universe my friend, only two people in this ever-expanding universe. Hummmm . . . . . . . A universe of two. Sounds like a pretty good thing to me.

And as I walked away, smiling, I thought to myself sometimes there is wisdom in the words of a fool. Yes, sometimes even a silly fool can be very, very wise. "

But, there are the traces of tears on all our faces. 

Not just the Fool and I.

The One

There is someone for all of us, The one who would love us for the simplest reason of all . . . it was meant to be.

"There was once a Lovely Lady who only existed, for her life had ended and she simply existed in a cave of sorrow. The cave was without light, hope and barren of the love she once held so close. She lived, maybe I should say existed for the Lovely Lady was not living, as we all know it, alone there except for her memories and the misplaced guilt of a deed she never committed. Alone and afraid she simply drifted through the days as time passes for one who waits, painfully and slowly. Why is she here and why does she stay? I asked myself that very question and then pondered the possibilities. All my reasons were wrong. The Lovely Lady had given all that was womanly possible of one soul to give to another. He was the one, the one who would love her for a lifetime or maybe two lifetimes. That love was the one, the one love that would be endless and timeless. This time love would transcend the bonds of human mortality and echo through the ages for a second lifetime after they had left this mortal world. This love would shine through the ages mirroring the eternal light of the stars above.  Never again would she have to think twice about the subtle differences between her lover and herself, for he was the one. They were one, two souls who lived and loved through the one love of a lifetime. Two beings transfixed and transformed by the flames of passion and forged into single shinning soul. He knew what to say and what to do, for he was the one. Her one, and for her there would never be another. He will always be the one love of a lifetime.

Forever Love, that was the title spoken in the Lovely Lady’s mind to describe this love. She never had to speak the words “Forever Love” for they were her companions, eternally. Not just simple letters etched upon a page or spoken in time but an endless mural of the life that would be. This time it was forever, for he is the one love of a lifetime. No matter what may come, together they would find a way through the darkened forest of worldly tribulations. No matter what words were spoken or if her heart was broken, somehow they would find their way through the darkness and into the light of a never-ending love of their lifetime. This time she would make it right; do all she had to make it right, for he was the one. She would give all she possessed in the world and within her soul for he was hers forever. He would always be there for her as she promised herself to be there for him, hopefully.

The pain would pass but not the hurt from the realization that her “One love of a lifetime” was not mirrored in the world as he was etched into her memory. She did love him so very much. Why wouldn’t she, for wasn’t he the one?

You and I know that you can never say Good-Bye to the Love of a lifetime, never. They seem to always return at the oddest of moments just to remind you of what used to be. Caring for another to that degree of hopelessness is always trouble. We give to them all we hold within our souls only to be short changed in the receiving end of love and dedication in return. But as Rod Stewart sang in his hit song Maggie May “You stole my heart, I couldn’t leave you if I tried” and we never will. Their memory will always be there. Sometimes I can’t tell if the memory is being truthful towards me, maybe I just created their memory from all the treasured traits and what I prayed they would be. The saddest part of this whole mess is that we possess the memory and not the person as it was written in the lines of our perfect life with our one love of a lifetime. Maybe, their memory possesses us. Maybe, we knew that to be true but we just can’t confess to our soul that we had been a fool for love, once again.

Oh my, my my . . . . . . . Where did we loose our way? Once lost in the darkness, a soul must believe in someone if they want to find the light again. Searching our personal history from yesterday we look for the one who cared for us or maybe the one we cared so much for. The one who loved us without conditions or limits. That memory is simply that, a memory of what used to be. We believe as the Lovely Lady did that they will love us like they once did, with all their heart and soul. But, that thought too is just another carefully constructed memory. A memory created in the right side of our brain, in the area known as wishful thinking. Careful who you choose to lead you from the darkness. Careful who you give your trust and your heart to. Those memories in the past have aged here in the real world even if you believe them to be as they were once upon a time. What was can simply not be again, you just can’t go back. But in our minds we never left, we just put that love of a lifetime on hold until we could continue our lives, with them at our side. That love only lives in our mind never here in the day-to-day world just in our memories. No, you just can’t relive what really never happened.

Some souls are doomed to wander the darkness for all their lives; they are here to lead you astray. They promise the gift of knowing the way home only to lead you into the light and then back into the darkness, once again. These souls are doomed to spend all eternity in damnation and could care less. They are here for the game, not for the prize. They play the part so well because they have forgotten whom they are and have evolved onto the very false-faced fool they pretend not to be. Ah, their lines have been rehearsed so well and they deliver the spoken phrases with perfection. You and I know that perfection takes practice, a lot of practice. Could it be they have been practicing their delivery of false promises to others? No, for they are the one, the one who will lead you home, so they say.

I, like you have lived in the darkness of my soul for many years. I found no one to lead me into the light, I just stumbled through the night and spent my days looking for a savior. Anyone who would take my hand and listen to my cry. I too wanted to go home. I called into the darkness for someone to please answer my cry. The answer was always as before, silence. That thunderous silence that never wavered, simply echoed in my mind. No one answered and one day I just stopped asking. I tried to go back and just made a fool of myself, once again.

The Lovely Lady listened to the promises. She believed the words then and tomorrow she would grieve for them once again. We don’t hate them, the false faced fools who made fools of us. We accept our portion of the blame and we let the guilty wander away. The Lady knows all too well, they were to blame. They were the one who played the game and broke the rules. The Lovely Lady pardons that one love of lifetime and he scurries away with her heart tucked quietly under his coat. Pity, I say to myself, she should have seen what was to come. Life without parole in the cave of despair. She refuses to admit it but she knows in her heart that she sentenced herself for a crime she never committed.

Simply existing in the Darkness

I chanced upon her there, in that dark place. She tried to not to show it but the tears were written all down her face. I came not to save her. For we all know that we can only save ourselves. She holds the sword to slay her personal dragon, not I. I hoped to love the Lovely Lady, nothing more and surely never anything less. I offered her a shoulder to cry on and my ear to bend. I knew that she would enjoy the light, once she basked in the warmth of friendly smile and the melting powers of a gentle touch. I knew she was the one. I knew when first I saw her that she was The One. The Lovely Lady is trying to adjust to the light. There are strange customs here in this illuminated land. She is unfamiliar with the phrases here too. Ones like “unconditional” and “undying love”.  The Lovely Lady is trying hard to adjust. She sometimes filters my words through memories of what used to be. Giving old hurtful meanings to common phrases such as,  “I love you” and “I promise”. In time she will learn the true definition of those phrases through deeds not false words. To tell the truth, The Lovely Lady is more beautiful in the light than she ever was in the dark past of yesterdays. And, yes I love her, unconditionally, forever, Amen."

A little bit of "The pinnacle of Passion" by yours truly